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With Jim Sabatini


Machete Kills

Machete Kills
Starring:
Danny Trejo, Demián Bichir, Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez, Lady Gaga and Mel Gibson


Rated: R for strong bloody violence throughout, language and some sexual content.
Reviewed by: Dave  
Release date: October 11, 2013 Released by: Openroad

Machete Kills, is nothing more than a live-action cartoon pretending to be a film. Director Robert Rodriguez should have just employed complete animation. Replace Mexican federal Danny Trejo (Machete) with 'Speedy Gonzalez,' then feature cartel leader (Mendez) Demián Bichir as the 'Frito Bandito.' There's your new sequel... Eliminating all the false portrayals of actual reality.
 
Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez and Lady Gaga's performances are also contrived and artificial, like something out of an old Russ Meyer movie. Nearly every scene features beautifully, large breasted women accenting their cleavage. The ladies could all have been portrayed by clones of 'Jessica Rabbit.' At least the gorgeous scenery they provide distracts us from a painfully disjointed screenplay.
 
Mel Gibson (Voz) is the insane scientist who wants to destroy the world. His character is completely unoriginal, and far too reminiscent of Austin Powers' Dr. Evil, essentially giving us a second-rate parody of a parody. Carlos Estevez aka Charlie Sheen is (Mr. President). The name change hasn't elevated his acting skills one iota.
 
Machete apparently believes he is 'Superman,' everyone's trying to kill him with no success. Eventually he is shot numerous times, then mysteriously rises from the dead. At this point the satire has completely worn off. The talents of Cuba Gooding, Jr. Antonio Banderas and William Sadler are totally wasted here. It was impossible to take this film seriously. 'Machete Kills' should have never been created in the first place.
 
While Machete Kills devolves into nothingness, we see the previews of yet another sequel. Its title, 'Machete Kills Again…In Space'. The new film will once again feature (Danny Trejo) as 'Speedy Gonzalez' pursuing his new archenemy 'Marvin The Martian.'

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Machete Kills           D                  D 

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